Kmart offers lifetime* plant guarantee

Chris Beytes

Just in time for the competitive spring market, big-box retailer Kmart has upped the plant guarantee ante to a new high: a lifetime!

Says the May 2 press release, “Today, the retailer announced Plants for Life, Guaranteed, a new program designed to allow customers the opportunity to purchase select trees, shrubs and perennial plants with confidence that they will last a lifetime—literally! Kmart is the first national retailer to devote a lifetime guarantee on plants, perfect for those looking to keep a well-maintained yard for years to come.”

As you might expect, there’s an asterisk and fine print—and plenty of it:

*Return a qualifying perennial, shrub or tree that has died with original receipt, and we’ll replace it with the same plant at no additional charge. Restrictions and exclusions apply. Applies only to plants designated “LT” on receipt. Annuals, houseplants, tropicals, seeds, bulbs and seasonal plants including, but not limited to, Christmas trees, poinsettias and Easter lilies are excluded. If same plant is no longer available, we will refund the full purchase price. After 30 days from purchase, refund will be issued as a Kmart Gift Card. Guarantee does not apply to abused or neglected plants or plants damaged or destroyed by mechanical (vehicles, snow plows, mowers, etc.), chemicals, animals, vandalism or acts of God, including, but not limited to: disease, insects and related plant pests, or weather. See store associate or Kmart.com/Plant for full details.

Seems to me that list of exclusions covers pretty much every typical cause of plant death that I’ve ever encountered. I mean, face it, every plant that doesn’t die of old age was killed by neglect, drought (weather) or pests.

Still, I’d like to see a Kmart associate explain that to Mrs. Pennywise when she returns her deceased rhododendron. GP